JS Tip 583: Listening. Total Listening.

One way to resolve difficulty is to listen. To listen, learn, understand, and then—only then—act with this greater understanding. 

Listen.

Respond visually. Configure your body to the person speaking. Fully face the individual. Make eye contact. Nod. (You’re not agreeing when you nod; you’re confirming that you’re listening.) Avoid leaning back. Avoid folding your arms across your chest.

Respond vocally. For lack of a better way to describe this, grunt. “Um-humh.” “Um-humh.” Again, you’re not agreeing here; you’re confirming that you’re listening. 

Respond verbally. (Notice this is third in the sequence.) When the occasion permits, politely ask questions: “Please help me understand. I apologize for my confusion. How does [‘A’] relate to [‘B’]?” 

When the occasion permits, politely echo what you understand: “If I understand you correctly, you’re saying [what you understand the other person is saying]. Pretty close? Do I understand this correctly?”

Request intent. When the occasion permits, politely ask what is wanted. “Please help me understand: what would you like to accomplish?” “Please help me understand: what would you like me to do?” “What would you like me to know?”  

Stephen Covey suggested we “seek first to understand.” Understanding only comes through listening.

We love this stuff.