Tip 713: Keeping Things Short, Part IVc

From the Writing Workshops: Keeping Things Short, Part IVc

We promised to explain how to rewrite passive voice in active voice. 

Rewriting Passive Voice

Let’s start with a simple passive-voice sentence: 

  • The report was written by Sarah. 

You can rewrite passive into active in four steps: 

  1.  Identify the action going on in the sentence: “The report was written by Sarah.” Writing. Yup. That's what's going on. 

  2.  Identify the do-er of the action: “The report was written by Sarah.” Sarah. Yup. She's doing the writing. 

  3.  Move the do-er to the beginning of the sentence: Sarah . . . . 

  4.  Let the action of the sentence flow from the do-er of the action: “Sarah wrote the report.”

Bingo. 
_______

“The report was approved by the audit committee.” 

(Let's see: approving . . . audit committee . . . The audit committee . . . .)

“The audit committee approved the report.” (Eight words down to six. A twenty-five percent weight loss.) 

_______

“Applications must be turned in by Friday.” (A tough one.) 

(Turning in . . . . whoa. No actor. No do-er. You? Implied?)

“Turn in your applications by Friday.” 

(This is called “imperative mode” or “command mode.” The “you” is implied or assumed: “Hey, YOU!” “What?” “Turn in your application by Friday!” “Okay!” Seven words down to six. Fourteen percent.) 

_______

Remember this applies only to sentences in which there's action. 

Not all sentences include action. “Sarah’s report was brilliant” is description, not action.

Howzat? 

We’ve talked about this a lot. Last time, maybe eighteen months ago. It’s an ongoing problem with business and technical writing.  

Kurt Weiland